Old Fashioned Girl Meets Tinder

 

Remember dating? Me, either. Something happened while I was in a long relationship and not paying attention. I'm not so ancient that I'd never used a dating website before, but when I entered my last relationship, I was still carrying around a not-smart phone that couldn't internet, really and apps were not a thing.

 

Picture it. 2008. A girl met a boy in person. They swapped phone numbers then used them to actually call each other. They went out several times, and soon became an item.

 

Fast forward seven years, and I'm watching my friend trying not to laugh as she explains that Tinder may not be a great place to meet men who are interested in relationships.

 

So, what's a girl to do?

 

 

For people who are looking to meet new people and have some fun, those apps are probably greatness itself. If, however you want to meet someone with long term potential and are looking to avoid those with less genuine intentions, then consider this a handy-dandy guide to saving some time and/or grief. I've used myself as the guinea pig and can assure you these tips work the majority of time for weeding out the wet blankets (AKA "F-Boys".)

 

1. Talk to him on the phone at least once before you go out. Texting might be easy and seem efficient, but it's really not. You won't get a true feel for what a person is like, and what it takes ten minutes to say over the phone will take you days or weeks in texts.

 

Added bonus: He'll be responding instantly, and without the ability to edit.

 

2. If you've invested actual talky time on the phone, and he asks you to coffee, say no, then delete his number. Coffee is not only big, fat *not* a date, it's actually just his way to make sure you look like your photos and a lazy way to skip a first date. Most guys who invite you to coffee on 'date' one, will try to invite you to his place for 'date' two. Don't fall for this testicular sorcery.

 

Bonus: Not being viewed as an unpaid hooker by a guy you barely know, and also not ending up alone without witnesses in the event he's a serial killer.

 

3. Avoid 'just' drinks as a first date option. Dinner AND drinks, yes. Just drinks? Bad plan, Dollface. If you really find yourself liking him, appetizers and A drink is an acceptable middle ground.

 

Bonus: You'll have a valid reason to fix yourself up for an evening out AND be sober enough to remain firmly in control of the situation while retaining the ability to accurately assess his personality. Safety is important, as is not dulling your senses when you're only just getting to know a guy.

 

4. Focus on the questions he asks you, and watch for those cues, both subtle and not to know just where his interests lie. Of course you'll move beyond small talk at some point, but before you've even finished one whole date, questions about how you manage your pubic hair should be a red flag. (Not all questions will be quite that blatant, but keep an eye out for the guy who focuses all of his interest on the physical. He's not trying to get to know you as a person, regardless of what his stated intentions were at the start.)

Bonus: You didn't just waste weeks or months to find out he only wanted that one thing. Hopefully, nothing even ended in tears or Adele songs.

 

5. Yes, we're sexually liberated in this great age, and no, nothing is even remotely wrong with sex. However. We seek to 'ignore the rules' but only fool ourselves when we think they won't still apply on a psychological level. Expect him to assure you (repeatedly) that having sex on the second date will in no way, shape or form cause him to think negatively of you, or put you in the "Would not introduce to Mom" category. Know that he's either lying to you outright, or doesn't understand basic male psychology.

 

Before you get offended and think I'm slut-shaming, no. It's simply true that men still place more value on that which doesn't just fall into his lap (no pun intended!). Also true, is that consciously or not, he absolutely will assume that if he got you into bed that quickly, so did everyone else you went out with. Is that fair? No!

Is it accurate? I don't know you, but let's say probably not.

Is it still one of those painful truths of life? Yes!

 

Bonus: By not sleeping with him before things have progressed to a point where you both feel this is going somewhere toward a relationship, you won't be used. If he was only interested in your body, then whether you gave it to him or not, he'd soon be gone. At least this way, no STD test or morning after pill drama kicked off and you won't do that thing where you feel bad about yourself for being duped by someone you thought was genuinely interested in you.

 

Super Bonus: Less emotional recovery time needed, thus less time wasted on someone who never had good intentions anyway.

 

 

There are more than five things to say on this topic, but hey, it's a blog. This bit is a good, basic foundation for those who are seeking to meet someone who sincerely wants a relationship. Obviously, much of it does not apply to those without quite the same goal in mind.

 

Whatever age or stage you're at in your life, hopefully this is helpful for you as you wade through a sea of frogs trying to find the one who won't give you warts.